Scary Hot: An Interview with Ralph!

What exactly does it mean to be scary hot?

So hot that it’s scary. It’s this feeling of being intimate with someone and it becoming so hot that you don’t even recognize yourself or know how to stop…it’s almost scary! When I hear the term it reminds me of this time I was making out with someone in my car outside my parent’s house at 3 in the morning and getting that nervous feeling that “I can’t do this in my front of my parents house.” I remember we went to a parking lot around the corner and hooked up there and completely lost track of time, like we fell into some kinda vortex….The sun was coming up it was just that sort of scary feeling of “what the f*** is happening.”

So the new album! 222…..why the name 'Scary Hot' specifically?

It’s an angel number! When I started dating my girlfriend Jaimee, we found ourselves talking about angel numbers frequently and I didn’t really know that much about them. Apparently, I just kept texting her at 2:22 and then I googled what that specific sequence of numbers meant and I learned that it sort of means “you’re on the right track now and it’s all going to be worth it…there’s gonna be obstacles but it’s going to pan out.” So while I was working on this new album, there were a lot of obstacles and hard times but every time I saw those numbers it was kind of a little reminder saying “you got this.”

What is it about writing songs that feels so special to you?

Songwriting is how I process all my emotions. I know that a lot of the songs that I write, especially the ones that I write alone, like my demos on garage band, those aren’t for anybody to necessarily hear, they’re literally just a way for me to work through my feelings and my emotions. When I write I also surprise myself. There’s moments where you’re like angry at an ex and then something that you write allows you to realize “oh actually, I forgive them” or “actually I forgive myself.”

Ralph, how does coming out affect your writing? Have you tried highlighting it in your songs?

I’ve tried to, I’ve done so many song writing sessions and actually I do have songs where gender isn’t specified. It’s more just about you, a person. I try to be really aware of not overusing he/him pronouns because I also want listeners to be able to identify with my songs and if he/him isn’t who you love then it makes it more pointed at a certain type of person. With that being said, yesterday I wrote a song and it’s not really clear who it’s about and how they present, but it is about an experience with a woman. I think because I was dating a guy, that naturally would kind of just tip into that world, but after we broke up I was more comfortable to express this side of myself and after I told my parents and the people close to me that I was dating a woman, I feel like I have the freedom now to be more vocal and public about being queer.

Why the hesitation about coming out to the queer community specifically?

It’s amazing to be that close to the queer community and be that supported and surrounded by the community and then not necessarily feel as though I know how to like vocalize my own sexuality. It wasn’t because I didn’t feel comfortable, it was more because I’m an overthinker and I’m incredibly emotional when it comes to trying to figure out what the best way is to avoid hurting people.

I’ve always been nervous to come out as BI formally, especially when I was dating a guy for so long and had only publicly dated men, it felt like coming out could be perceived as opportunistic. I think there was also a moment where a lot female pop singers were coming out as BI and I remember talking to a couple of my queer female friends and they were joking about how convenient it is for them to date men but then also reap the benefits of being a part of a minority community. I think that that freaked me out because I am so in love and grateful towards the queer community that I would never want anybody to feel as though I was misrepresenting myself or using them.

Do you feel that coming out could create a deeper connection between you and your fans?

It’s funny last year during Pride, I remember talking to a friend of mine who runs a queer platform and I was like “is it weird that I’m not saying it? Am I not honouring my fans by maybe telling them something that could make them feel more connected to me?” I’ve just been looking for a way to say it so it comes across natural and ensure that everyone knows that I really am living my truth.

It’s been interesting kind of trying to figure out how to just honestly insert myself a little bit more into the queer community without it seeming insincere, or like opportunistic. That’s a really big fear for me that I never want people to feel like I have an agenda.

How do you feel you best connect with your audience?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about like how your energy is palpable to the people around you. if you go out, you know, I always say this, like if I go out wearing an outfit that I don’t feel good in, it kind of ruins my night because the whole night I’m kind of like pulling and tugging and I feel closed off and people can sense that.

If you go out and you feel really confident and good, you’re exuding this energy that’s really attractive and interesting to people. It’s the same thing with music. I think that when I write a song and I go on stage and I fucking love this song, I feel the story behind the song which makes me so excited for you to hear it and excitement is contagious. If you’re not actually excited about the song or you don’t have that much to say about it, I don’t think that people are going to be as invested.

You just took a swing at directing your own music video right?

Yes not for Scary Hot, for another single that will be coming out hopefully soon. I’ve always been really involved when it comes to the creative elements for my videos and luckily all the people I’ve worked with in the past have really appreciated that but I’ve always been scared to actually direct….especially when you’re on camera so much, but I’ve been so inspired by female directors lately, like Olivia Wilde for example, who is directing and starring in her own movies. To me it’s kinda like putting on an outfit, If you believe you look good, everyone else will believe it too. Also with this specific project, I had already written the treatment for this one so when the opportunity came up to direct I was like screw it!

All your looks are so on point with everything you do, what’s the craziest thing you’ve done for fashion?

Oh I’ve spent money I absolutely did not have. When I see a pair of shoes, I can see the look, I can see the fit, I can see the event they’d be perfect for and they are absolutely going to be mine. I would sell my kitchen table for the right outfit! I remember after I released my first EP I bought myself a Chanel choker…..and the woman at the store was like “oh sweetie you cant afford that” and I was like “Oh sweetie I work hard and I deserve this!”